I love porn (2/2)

First, I didn’t realize it, but masturbating on nude magazines became increasingly boring to me. First, I thought it was a good thing as I didn’t look at the magazines so often anymore, and I also stopped buying them. But then, I got the first porn magazine from a friend, and I was all in again. Watching these beauties getting fucked made me so excited. I couldn’t get enough porn, and even I, felt dirtier; I simply couldn’t resist. My desire was growing and growing, and I couldn’t do anything against it. I still had a hard time getting a girlfriend, and while my friends started to do the real thing, I only could masturbate alone in front of a magazine. Of course, that did hurt, but there was nothing I could do about it. I accepted that my friends screwed the girls I only could dream about.

I was listening to their stories about how they slept with girls, but I couldn’t say anything. For me, that was torture, as I couldn’t really satisfy my desire with porn anymore, and so, I forced myself to discipline and stopped consuming that dirty stuff. Until one day, I also succeeded to get my hands on a girl. Not a pretty one, but at least, a real one. Even though I watched porn from time to time, I always tried to avoid it as it kept being the dirty stuff that doesn’t satisfy you. For years, I didn’t need porn, and also during my marriage with Hannah, it didn’t play any role.
Now, everything is different. During the year my life broke apart due to the divorce and the loss of my business, I developed a bad depression. Ironically, I didn’t realize it, until I came to Pattaya. But it became obvious here, as I was the only man in town who didn’t have fun. I learned that sex helped me, and I developed an interest in life again. Sex sparked an excitement inside me that was worth living for. But this spark was gone as soon as I had an orgasm, and soon, I was back in depression mode again. I realized I needed to keep this spark alive as long as possible, and once the spark was gone, he needed to be created fast again.
I could do this, but I needed porn for that. Even though Pattaya was filled with prostitutes, they didn’t help me. Fucking them was quick, and I needed a lot of time to develop sexual desire again. A time period that was hell for me. I felt bad and depressed. I was certain that I lived my life, and that I had enough of it. As if the Grim Reaper would have forgotten me, but actually, I should be already picked by him and brought to another world. Every world could only be better than this one, but there was one thing I still enjoyed here. Maybe that is why I ended up in Pattaya, so I could enjoy the only thing that was good in this world – sex. Maybe? But maybe that was only bullshit? Anyway, I was in Pattaya, and until the Grim Reaper would pick me up, I would try to have the best possible time, and therefore, I needed porn. In contrast to real women, I could watch porn all day long. As in former times, when I was desperately looking for a girlfriend I could fuck.

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